We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't deserve a penis
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
