My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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