I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
