3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
