my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
