your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
