it was like his penis was on wheels.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
