Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
