drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
