So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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