so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
