I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
