I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
this hospital has no fireball
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
