The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
