i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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