dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
