Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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