reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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