i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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