he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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