I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Randomize
