I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
