We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
