We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
