just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
