Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
