EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
