he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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