i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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