Apparently you make a good broom.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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