Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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