I just threw up on my dentist
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
