Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
