Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i think my cat just said my name.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
