New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
