I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Randomize
