A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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