Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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