i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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