We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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