How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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