wake up i wanna do it froggy style
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
