can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
