Pappa wants mamma naked
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
