If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
