covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
