in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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