Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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