I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
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