Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
