My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
