and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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