his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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