I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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