So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
