weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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